Sunday, December 31, 2006

Die Hard 2

Die Harder (1990)

Directed by: Renny Harlin
Written by: Steven E. de Souza & Doug Richardson, based on the novel 58 Minutes by Walter Wager
Starring: Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bedelia, William Sadler, William Atherton, Reginald VelJohnson, Franco Nero, Fred Dalton Thompson, Tom Bower

This is obviously the sequel to Die Hard and, being a sequel, it is obviously inferior.

For one thing, it didn't have Alan Rickman in it. That was really the only thing the first one had going for it. Otherwise, it was just some lame ass action movie with Bruce Willis. I like Bruce Willis okay, but I like Alan Rickman better. He was funny.

Anyway, the other extremely important thing that was missing from this movie (which made the first one just that much more enjoyable) was Bruce running around in a sexy wife beater. He was weraing a sweater in most of this movie for God's sake. I don't get to see his sweaty, muscley, veiny arms.

There seemed to be something extremely wrong with the writing as well. Appart from being based on an unrelated (as far as I know) novel, none of Guy's witty remarks made any sense. I guess that was the case with the first one too, but I was too preoccupied with other things to notice that. I really hate those witty little lines anyway (they only really work coming out of Arnold Schwarzenegger for some reason), but I mean, really, if you have to put them in, at least use ones that are slightly logical.

Example: "You aren't pissing in somebody's pool are you?"
"Yeah, and I'm fresh out of chlorine"

What!? Here's another one...

"What would set off the metal detectors first? The lead in your ass, or the shit in your brain?"

I mean, come on. They couldn't think of anything better than that? I could probably come up with wittier dialogue than that, and I'm totally psychotic.

I guess it had enough action to keep me amused, if temporarily. I don't know, though, there didn't seem to be that many explosions. Yeah, there were five or six or so, but they weren't especially exciting.

Anyway, the first one wasn't that great either, but at least it was more interesting than this (again, Alan Rickman factor. He's just more appealing than William Sadler, I'm sorry).

And Die Harder is about the silliest title for anything I've ever heard. I mean really. They should do that with all sequels. The Terminatorer (and even The Terminatorered), Star Warser, Legally Blonder. It worked with Dumb and Dumberer... I guess....


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