Die Hard 3

Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995)

Directed by: John McTiernan
Written by: Jonathan Hensleigh
Starring: Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Irons, Graham Greene, Colleen Camp, Sam Phillips, Nick Wyman

This is the kind of fluff I was talking about. Not sci-fi fluff, but action fluff. 'Twas okay, I suppose, but I think anything would have looked like fluffy crap after Children of Men. Fortunately, Die Hard happens to be fluffy crap, so I didn't miss anything.

So the dialogue is cleared up a bit. It makes more sense, anyway, but the plot really doesn't. There's this guy, who happens to be Alan Rickman's character's brother, going around blowing shit up so he can pull off a big heist. Then Bruce Willis and Sam Jackson have to solve all of these puzzles.... it all just leaves you wondering why.

Even though Die Hard guy came back to direct this one, it doesn't really come anywhere near the goodness of the first one. It's not really even better than the second one, I'm afraid. They just haven't been able to find anyone quite like Alan Rickman. I mean, Jeremy Irons is cool and everything, and I like him muchly, but come on. Besides, he struck me as kind of gay in this. Of course, he always strikes me a kind of gay. I don't know. Something about him, I guess. Anyway, blond really isn't a good hair colour for him.

Moving on, Bruce Willis once more donned the sweaty wife-beater. Yay. (Jeremy also wore a blue wife beater, but enough about him). Oddly enough, this one isn't set at Christmas. Go figure.

Samuel L. Jackson is always cool, but I was really surprised that someone as cool and as smoooth as him was actually in a movie like this. Not to question the overall goodness of the movie, but it is the second sequel to Die Hard for God's sake. Actually, Die Hard movies usually have pretty good casts...

Anyway, yeah, so it was kind of weird. Jeremy Irons was very strange, to return to that topic. (I like Jeremy Irons, okay? God damn.) With his little rhymes. Rhymes are funny. It's kind of hard to believe that two boys in that family grew up to be psychopathic criminal madsterminds, though. I mean, really. I kind of get the revenge thing. I guess. But the heist? Maybe they should just be proactive and see if there are any other little Grubers out there and arrest them.

So yeah, it's relatively entertaining, though it sort of starts out kind of slow. Even though a department store explodes in the first minute or so. (Much like in Children of Men, except that was actually disturbing, and then things just got worse and worse from then on) I guess for light action fluff it's pretty satisfying. I think I'd rather just watch the first one again, though.

And y'know what? Yippikayay motherfucker (how the hell are you supposed to spell yippikayay anyway? Whatever. I made something up) was funny the first time (and actually the second time too) but it isn't funny anymore.

Stupid Die Hard guy.

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