The Libertine

The Libertine (2004)

Directed by: Laurence Dunmore

Written by: Stephen Jeffreys based on his play

Starring: Johnny Depp, John Malkovich, Rosamund Pike, Tom Hollander, Samantha Morton, Richard Coyle

One of the duller movies I've seen. Nothing particularly interesting happened. In fact, either I wasn't paying attention (which is entirely possible), or nothing really happened at all.

It's about John Wilmot (called Johnny, just to keep it clear) and all of his little problems. It wasn't half as explicit as I thought it would be. What with the Prologue and all, I expected it to be a porn film. He goes on and on about how much he fucks, and I'm thinking 'I don't want to watch this', but then he doesn't. Apart from his fingering his wife, getting a blow job from a hooker, fucking an actress, watching an orgy in the park and writing a rather pornographic play, there's hardly any graphic sex in the movie at all. Nor does he have sex with men, as the Prologue would imply. Not unless stroking another guy's face for a while counts. He doesn't have sex with any goats either, though he doesn't say he's going to.

Mostly he just walks (more of a swagger, really) around drinking and dying of syphilis. In other words, he's like Jack Sparrow for grown-ups.

Now I shall give John Malkovich the obligatory kick in the head. Alright, his English accent started out sounding okay. I even thought to myself 'wow, John Malkovich's accents sounds okay'. By the end of the movie though it sounded more Russian than anything. Or, as usual, an accent he just made up. My God I dislike him. He's one of the most overrated actors, I swear to God. He's terrible in everything I see him in.

What else can I say... okay, syphilis. I don't know very much about syphilis other than it's an STD and it's really hard to spell. And it makes you go blind and crazy. I guess this movie provided a bit of... enlightenment, as it were, on that subject. Now I know that it is in fact fatal. I didn't know that before. Apparently, bits of you rot off too, and it's pretty crippling.

Um... a couple of other thoughts... ah yes, I liked the dark dark darkness of the movie, though I had a problem telling the characters apart. They all looked the same. It got particularly confusing when I kept thinking one of them was dead. Which of course he was. I just couldn't tell which one had snuffed it.

Also, the women. I couldn't tell which ones were actresses, which ones were whore and which one was his wife. They all looked the same to me. Maybe that's the point. I have no idea.

Anyway, it all just felt like and excuse for Johnny Depp to act weird and wear a different wig.

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