Monday, March 19, 2007

Class of 1999

Class of 1999 (1990)

Directed by: Mark L. Lester
Written by: C. Courtney Joyner, Bradley Gregg
Starring: Bradley Gregg, Tracy Lin, Stacy Keach, Pam Grier, Patrick Kilpatrick (wait, what?), Malcolm McDowell, John P. Ryan, Joshua Miller, Jimmy Medina Taggert

More shit from the Scream network. What gets me about that is how they will advertise Near Dark (the kid what played Homer is in this movie, incidentally. He doesn't kick as much ass, though), Fargo and a Shaun of the Dead-Evil Dead 2 double feature like there's no tomorrow, but whenever I'm watching they're showing stuff like this.

Oh well. I missed the beginning of this because I was watching The Lady from Shanghai on... TVO or something... man, Orson Welles was funny looking. I would like to say that he had a great voice to compesate for it, but in that movie he sounded like Vincent Price with an Irish accent, and that's just wrong, I'm sorry.

Anyway, I thought this was pretty fucking shitty. It was about this high school in the not-to-distant future (or the past, depending on where you look at it...) where these two gangs are constantly blowing each other up and shooting each other with machine guns and shit, and then there's this guy, and these killer robots that blow them up and break them in half and all kinds of crazy stuff... um... and then... well, they turn into a bunch of little Terminators or something.

No, really. I was amused when their arms started turning into weapons and stuff, and I really started laughing when the guy got most of his skin ripped off. He looked just exactly like the Terminator, I swear to God. It's not all that surprising, it's just kind of sad. I guess movies ike this were keeping the stop motion people in business for at least a little while.

Yeah, so there were lots of explosions, and people getting pulled apart and shit, though actually it was a lot less violent and gory than The Terminator, now that I'm on that track. It also wasn't very scary and Terminator was.

Ultimately the 'splosions and stuff got kind of dull (if that's possible), and the punks kicking the shit out of each other got kind of silly. Of course, people who look like that are silly anyway, and I make a point of mocking them on the street. I actually just felt kind of bad for the people involved.

But hey, I'm sure they enjoyed their new Espresso bars, or their new decks. Or their smack. Some people like smack. I would probably go with the Espresso, but Stacy Keach can do whatever the hell he wants. Not my problem.

END COMMUNICATION

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