The Postman

The Postman (1997)

Directed by: Kevin Costner
Written by: Eric Roth and Brian Helgeland based on the novel by David Brin
Starring: Kevin Costner, Will Patton, Olivia Williams, Larenz Tate, Daniel von Bargen, Scott Bairstow, Tom Petty, Giovanni Ribisi, Roberta Maxwell

So the rumours are true. This movie does suck ASS. I thought that, just maybe, it was hugely underrated like Waterworld, but it's not.

It's about a post-apocalyptic future world run by evil bad guys where the only hope is the Postal Service... yeah right. The letter carriers, fighting injustice...

In other words, this movie make the Postal Service look a lot cooler than it really is (the actual service and not the band). Okay, I know a number of people who work in the Postal Service, who may in fact be reading this (of course, they work for Canada Post and I'm talking about the U.S. Postal Service, and there's a difference. I guess...).

But yeah, it's a lot like The Road Warrior but about mail instead of oil. Not cool. Also, it has Kevin Costner instead of Mel Gibson. Again, not cool. And it's set in America rather than Australia.

And when I say it's set in America, I mean it's one of the most nationalistic pieces of horseshit I've seen recently. Not only are the evil bad guys tyrannical, racist, war-mongering psychos, but they also hate America (kind of funny because America is run by tyrannical, racist, war-mongering psychos) and like to burn flags.

The other problem I have with the movie is it's length. There are lots of long movies that I like, including Waterworld and Dances with Wolves, but this one just wastes time. It just goes on and on and on with no apparent purpose or consistent plot. I don't mind movies with no plot, as long as they have good characters, and this one didn't.

Yeah, I'm surprised that I actually managed to stay awake through all this. Not only was it very long, but it was also very boring. Unfortunately, I seem to be incapable of falling asleep during movies, and have not done so since Cleopatra with Liz Taylor.

Yep. The movie sucked. Just in case you didn't already know. In case it hasn't already been beaten into you. But go ahead. Watch it if you don't believe me. Soon you will know the truth...

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