The Woods

The Woods (2006)

Directed by: Lucky McKee
Written by: David Ross
Starring: Agnes Bruckner, Patricia Clarkson, Rachel Nichols, Lauren Birkell, Marcia Bennett, Bruce Campbell, Catherine Colvey, Kathleen Mackey, Gordon Currie, Emma Campbell

Okay, this movie is freaking weird. It's the weirdest freaking movie I've seen in a while.

A young woman who hears voices and likes to burn things gets sent to a private school out in the middle of the woods where the teachers are creepy witches, and then the trees start taking people. It's all very weird.

But I'm digging it. It looked good, and it was gory enough. The finale involving some nasty axe murders was pretty impressive. The acting is quite good, and it's pretty spooky. I mean, it obviously echoes a lot of movies, from Blair Witch to Alien, and it owes quite a bit to the Asian Horror factory, but what doesn't these days?

The forest was a pretty good monster - you never quite know exactly what it is or what's going on. That was okay. The branches and vines don't look quite real, and you'd think Bruce Campbell would be able to defend himself against a bunch of trees...

Anyway, I kind of liked the colours. Everything was very drab and monochromatic, except for Agnes Bruckner's bright red hair. The other girls call her "fire-crotch"... I've never heard that one before.

Yep. That was weird. So, Agnes Bruckner. I didn't like her too much in Blood and Chocolate, but she was okay in this. She had more spunk. She wasn't as... dull. Still, I think she looks uncannily like a man. She looks like she could play football.

That's okay, though. I'm digging it. I kinda liked the witches, too. They were cool. I like witches (after all, I am one). I mean, they were slightly evil (I guess...), but that's okay. I'm digging it...

I'm digging a lot of shit lately, though, so there you go. I'm a digging machine. That would be a backhoe, I guess. I dunno. I'm sexier than a backhoe... I know some people who aren't, though. They make me sad.

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