Asylum

Asylum (2005)

Directed by: David MacKenzie

Written by: Patrick Marber and Chrysanthy Balis, based on the novel by Patrick McGrath

Starring: Natasha Richardson, Marton Csokas, Ian McKellen, Hugh Bonneville, Sean Harris, Gus Lewis, Joss Ackland

Not to be confused with the 1972 Amicus picture, the 1992 television documentary, the 1997 film with Robert Patrick and Malcolm McDowell, the British television series, or the thousands of other films with the same title. Just go to IMDb and type in 'Asylum'. It's crazy how many things come up.

Hey, I didn't even mean that as a joke. Aren't I cool. Anyway, this particular Asylum is about the wife of a psychiatrist who falls in love with one of her husband's lusty, well built patients. They have an affair, lots and lots of sex, he escapes, she follows him, more sex, he tries to kill her, blah blah blah, her life falls apart, her son drowns, she goes crazy, she jumps off the asylum roof. That's a pretty condensed version, but it has all the important plot points. Oh yeah, and the whole thing is orchestrated by the evil, sadistic Dr. Magneto... or whatever.

The whole thing (well, the first half, mainly) feels like one of those books you can buy at the grocery store. You know, the kind that have pictures of sweaty foreign men kissing the necks of sexy ladies and titles like The Brazilian Boss' Steaming Hot Mistress, Married to the Cockney Git and Pimp my Bride (yeah, I've never read one of those, but I read the back of one once. Very loudly. In the middle of the store. Yeah, I can be a real jerk sometimes). I mean, it was so... ribald. I kept expecting what's his face, you know, Jon Lovitz, to pop up.

It was pretty fucking bogus. I mean, it was one of those movies that pretends to be really good, but it's actually just a bunch of cheap thrills. With weird music. It sounded like it was made on my friend's computer... anyway, yeah. I was kind of expecting something more... interesting. A little more disturbing, maybe. I guess this was supposed to be disturbing. The jealous lover, who hacked his wife up with an axe or something. Whatever.

It wasn't really what I was interested in - I mean, of all the things that go on in an asylum, that's not the most fascinating thing to me personally. I guess it might've been, had it been done better. And if Marton Csokas had been a little more insane - he looked deranged, sure, a little whacky maybe. I like him, but in other stuff.

Well, anyway. Not my thing.

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