Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
Directed by: Joseph Zito
Written by: Barry Cohen
Starring: Kimberly Beck, E. Erich Anderson, Corey Feldman, Ted White, Barbara Howard, Peter Barton, Lawrence Monoson, Joan Freeman, Crispin Glover, Alan Hayes, Judi Aronson, Camilla More, Carey More, Bruce Mahler, Lisa Freeman
Fourth movie in the ridiculously long Friday the 13th series (IOW: Final Chapter my ass) involves a bunch of horny teenagers who rent a cottage on Crystal Lake and get killed by Jason after his bloody escape from the morgue (the term 'escape from the morgue' tickles me somehow). Meanwhile, the neighbours team up with this Jason hunter to stop him or whatever.
It didn't take long for me to start muttering "I wish these assholes would just die already". And that's the kind of person I am. I just have to wonder why the same thing happens in all these movies. Why is it always fornicating teenagers who get killed? I know it's to hook in a certain audience, but... well, do people actually buy this shit? I'm just curious.
Anyway, Tom Savini came back to do the FX on this movie, and it shows. Unfortunately, the dialogue sucks, the acting sucks, the budget sucks and the whole fucking premise is based on bullshit, so it doesn't really matter very much.
Okay, so parts of it are pretty fucking funny, but I think that might have to do with the person I was watching it with. I don't think it would have been funny all by myself on Halloween night. It would have been unbearably sad, actually (speaking of which, 24 days 'til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. Silver Shamrock).
Anyway, what was I thinking about? Oh yeah, who the hell does this shit? I mean, I've been to summer camp a couple of times in my life (I don't really like the outdoors very much so I'm not really the camping type) but we sure as fuck weren't going and sitting naked in a dingy in the middle of the lake. I was walking around the outhouse trying to convince my friend that escaped rapists from the loony bin were coming to kill her. Of course, I was about twelve, so... I don't think the counselors were doing the naked thing either.
But in these movies it seems to be the thing to do. I don't get it. I'm assuming this comes from the pervey little minds of the pervey little men who write these things.
Anyway, it's all retarded. But in a weird way, I enjoy it. Go figure.
BODY COUNT: 13/45
Favourite Mode of Death: The sleazy coroner gets his head cut off with a bone saw, essentially.
To Go: Seven more Fridays. You can always have more Fridays...