Saturday, November 10, 2007


Bandidas (2006)

Directed by: Joachim Roenning and Espen Sandberg
Written by: Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen
Starring: Penélope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Steve Zahn, Tyler Yoakam, Sam Shepard, Ismael 'East' Carlo, Carlos Cervantes, José María Negri

Two women, a busty peasant and a busty noblewoman, get together when their fathers are killed and a huge injustice is done to The People to rob banks and stuff. If only they would team up with Zorro, El Mariachi, Mrs. Zorro and Danny Trejo. Surely then all would be well in Mexico.

I really can't get over how disgustingly horrifying this movie was. And it wasn't even good (had it been good I might have made some excuses for it). It's really just an excuse to see lots of cleavage, Salma on Penélope wrestling, Salma and Penélope doing push-ups in a river (oh yeah) and some soft core porn.

Okay, okay, okay. Salma and Penélope are very hot. I get it. I'm not bitch enough to deny that. But surely they're smart enough to want to do something a little higher caliber than this?

Whatever pays the bills, though, right?

Anyway, it wasn't even that, it was the fact that it wasn't very original. It was another sexy western about Mexican freedom fighters, with some evil guy doing something with gold. Stealing it, I guess. Robin Hood kind of thing, only with really hot chicks instead of Kevin Costner and his butt double.

It was exactly the same as every other thing, with, like, CSI thrown in there for no apparent reason (I won't even go into that).

There were one or two good scenes (the one where the guy's tuning his banjo, remember?), but nothing that really improves the movie at all.

It was just sort of lame and sleazy and generally disgusting. I kept waiting for the Penélope on Salma sex scene but, alas, they didn't go there. Had it been some sort of lesbian porn movie... well, anyway.

So, yeah, it really sucked and made me feel bad for those girls. I do like them, I just think they should get better work (it isn't their fault they're in crap like this).

Ah well.


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