Saturday, April 19, 2008

The Mist

The Mist (2007)

Written and Directed by: Frank Darabont, based on the novella by Stephen King

Starring: Thomas Jane, Laurie Holden, Marcia Gay Harden, Andre Braugher, Toby Jones, William Sadler, Nathan Gamble, Jeffrey DeMunn, Frances Sternhagen, Alexa Davalos, Sam Witwer, David Jensen, Melissa McBride

The latest film adaptation of a Stephen King novella (of course, a Stephen King novella works out to a two hour movie), about a sleepy New England town, much like your own hometown, where a spooky mist traps a whole bunch of people in a grocery store.

I remember when this was out in theatres, we all referred to it as Fog Lite. However, instead of ghost lepers (or gorillas) in the mist, we have freaky monsters from another dimension, all of which seem to be carnivorous. What did they eat when they couldn't get people? Who cares. While trapped in the grocery store, the people have to deal with a super-religious fuck-o who insists that the mist is God's revenge for their sinful ways.

Anyway, the movie was alright. The monsters were kind of cool, and nasty enough to make me worry. As Mr. Red pointed out while we were watching it, there was a kind of feeling of "Okay, what's the scary thing in this one? Tentacles? Yeah, tentacles are scary. How about spiders? Everybody hates spiders. Let's put lots of spiders. Mist? Sure, why not".

The monsters looked okay - the CGI was not too bad and having them shrouded in mist most of the time was a good thing. The acting was pretty good, I actually liked the kid for once. However the writing was a little bit... lacking.

I dunno, the characters had some logic malfunctions. That's to be expected in a movie like this, I mean, if everybody's really smart and stays inside, you have no movie (or maybe only half a movie. Mind you, this is as long as two movies, so maybe it's not a bad idea).

And then there's the ending, which is supposedly 'one of the most shocking horror film endings ever', which I have to dispute, being a little wanker. The ending was horrible to watch and a little sickening, but it wasn't shocking. I knew that was what was going to happen. I was hoping it wasn't going to happen, but it did. I wasn't shocked.

Aaaanyway, the movie was alright. It wasn't great. It had some creepy moments. It was relatively entertaining. Woo.


Saturday, April 12, 2008

Dance of the Dead

Dance of the Dead (2005)
Masters of Horror, Episode 3

Directed by: Tobe Hooper
Written by: Richard Christian Matheson, based on the short story by Richard Matheson (oh dear lord. I gather they are related?)
Starring: Jessica Lowndes, Jonathan Tucker, Ryan McDonald, Marilyn Norry, Lucie Guest, Robert Englund

I'm really tired right now. I feel like my head's going to fall off, but I figure doing this for ten minutes will get my brain juiced up enough so that I won't fuck up my work too much (can't you tell how much love and care I put into my reviews? Wowee). God, it's only 2.10. Only ten more hours before I will allow myself to sleep. Eeg.

But enough about me. This is about a bunch of degenerate druggies in a post-apocalyptic society who hang out in a club where they reanimate dead people for amusement. Based on the story of the same title by Richard Matheson (which I have read, incidentally) so although there is some sort of scientific explanation for the LUPs, it doesn't really make sense or matter.

And are we going to call it a zombie movie? Ah, we enter back into the debate. If I told someone this was a zombie movie, they would probably ask, 'But how can a zombie give someone a blow job?' and then I would have to talk about Richard Matheson for, like, seven minutes. And I don't really want to do that.

So we'll call it an walking-dead animated-corpse movie. Moving on:

Out of all the episodes of Masters of Horror I've seen so far (which, admittedly, isn't many), this one was probably one of the better ones. I guess.

It was kind of interesting, anyway. I usually find that spastic style of editing really obnoxious and hard to watch, but I didn't mind it at all this time. I was thinking about the place they went, the Room of Doom or whatever it was called - not that this is a really valid complaint, it didn't really bug me that much, but it was just so... you know how in every movie where they go to a bad ass club, the bad ass club always looks kind of the same? You know, there are some people in cages, some strippers, some requisite guys from the SM club and a couple lesbians whose only function is to stand in the corner licking each other. And no one really looks like they're doing anything. They're just standing there looking bad ass.

Well whatever. The story was nicely padded out with apocalyptic stuff and a missing sister and all that, although the writing kind of bugged me. And a couple of the actors weren't that great either, but for the most part they were alright.

Anyway, it's got Robert Englund in it which automatically makes it kind of entertaining. He gets to do all the fun stuff.

I'm going to bang my head on the computer now. Woo hoo.

(Hey, it took me 23 whole minutes to write that - I really do care)

Monday, April 7, 2008


Re-Animator (1985)

Directed by: Stuart Gordon
Written by: Stuart Gordon, Dennis Paoli & William J. Norris, based on the story Herbert West, Reanimator by H.P. Lovecraft
Starring: Jeffrey Combs, Bruce Abbott, Barbara Crampton, David Gale, Robert Sampson, Gerry Black, Carolyn Purdy-Gordon

I'm not feeling particularly inspired to write anything at the moment. I dunno. I've lost all my zest or something. I decided not to review a couple of things, purely out of 'meh' factor. I've pretty much lost my faith in the internet entirely, but whatever...

This movie is the one about the guy who brings people back to life with his special serum. Generally speaking, it's a zombie movie although, I would only call it that to get one of my zombie-loving associates to watch it. These are people who wouldn't bother with, like, Frankenstein, but they'll watch any zombie movie. Zombies are hot right now. It makes people like me very annoyed, but that's an entirely different essay.

Anyway, I enjoyed it. It was funny and disgusting. So disgusting it was funny? Kind of goofy. There's something very amusing about a guy carrying his own head around in a bag. I dunno. And Jeffrey Combs. Yeah... he's weird.

God, I'm really not in the mood to write this today. Ah well. Power through.

The soundtrack was the music from Psycho with an '80s drum beat added in, which was weirdly effective. I kind of wonder if Bernard Herrmann was credited at all for this (Herrman was the Psycho guy, right? If not, somebody please tell me).

I have read the Lovecraft story on which this was based. I guess the movie sort of sticks to it in theme, but I seem to remember the story being a little more serious. I do remember there being a head in a box though... well, whatever.

Eh. Yeah. I enjoyed myself. I laughed til I barfed and sprayed little bits of chocolate biscuit all over myself. Ew.