Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (2007)

Written and Directed by: Zach Helm
Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Natalie Portman, Zach Mills, Jason Bateman, Ted Ludzik

Alright. When this film came out in the theatres, Mr. Blue and I spent a great deal of time making fun of it, because Dustin Hoffman is funny. However, as it isn't really fair to make fun of a movie until you've actually seen it, we decided to go for it.

It's about a crazy old man who runs a magical toy shop (IOW, the toys 'come to life'). When he decides to off himself, he must convince his assistant to believe in the magic within all of us or some crap like that.

Oh boy. Where to begin with this movie? I feel like a hyperactive hipster in Freak Lunchbox. Lets start with Dustin Hoffman.

For a moment I found myself wondering what on earth is that man doing? Before I realized that he was doing the Willy Wonka thing.

The whole film plays like a rip off of a Roald Dahl story, except Roald Dahl stories are so sick and twisted (I found them disturbing as a child, which gives them cred. Scary kids stuff is at least interesting).

Ugh. Granted, I'm not so much of the age group this movie is aimed at, but I always felt the best children's films appealed to everybody regardless of age (like Finding Nemo or that one with the pig).

Anyway, the magic of this film washed over me in nauseating waves while I tried to figure what the hell it was supposed to be about. 'If you believe in the magic within yourself, anything is possible'? Or maybe, 'old people die, deal with it'.

It was good for a few laughs (Mr. Blue and I now feel like we're allowed to make as much fun of it as we like). "Oop, four a clock, time to go" KABLAM! Ha! That was great.

That made sense. Yeah, the sparkles were a nice touch. Whatever. I dunno if little kids would find this as enchanting as I did, but I would recommend going for something a little less commercial and shiny. As if my opinion counts. I doubt anyone who's reading this actually cares about kids movies. Did you notice, though, that I cut down my swearing when writing reviews of kids movies? It's a tremendous effort, I'm telling you.

Conclusion: Dustin Hoffman should be ashamed of himself.

END

(P.S. For some reason (and I just remembered this), I kept dreading a really raunchy sex scene between the Hoff and Natalie Portman. It never happened, thank God. I dunno why I expected that, probably just coz I'm an idiot. Oh well.)