Okay, where to start? Jeez. Movie about a man (Craig Sheffer) who is framed for a series of murders by his shrink (David Cronenberg). To escape the law, he must hide out in the secret world of the Night Breed, a clan of dorky monster-people living out in the middle of nowhere (i.e., right outside Calgary). The setting does seem a little unusual, and is a refreshing alternative to New York or London or wherever. And you really do believe that they would live out there, as it really is in the middle of nowhere (albeit closer to somewhere than where I am. I live in frigging Dartmouth).
Anyway, the guy has to save the monsters from the serial killer, fulfilling the prophecy or some fucking thing. And I think there may have been something to do with the Church, though I can't quite remember.
Much like the Cenobites in Hellraiser, the monsters in this film seemed so... precious. And it felt as though there was way more time spent on the monsters than coming up with a comprehensible plot or appealing characters.
Okay. To be fair. David Cronenberg was pretty creepy, as far as serial killers go. He's not that great of an actor, but that sort of made him seem creepier. The thought that he might actually be like that for real. Eeew.
However, apart from his character and the occasional cuss word or spurt of blood, this struck me as being like a kid's movie. It felt like a kid's movie. It was structured like a kid's movie. In fact, I have a feeling I may have seen something very similar...
Sort of like Peter Pan. Peter Pan is seriously fucked up, man.
Of course I couldn't resist making all kinds of Hellraiser jokes throughout the film. I can't help myself. Hellraiser is hilarious. In a totally serious way.
That's probably this movie's number one offense. It's totally devoid of fun. There's nothing funny about it at all. In the hands of a director with a sense of humour, it could've been really entertaining. Stupid, but still entertaining.
I still kind of want to see Midnight Mean Train, though. I'm sorry, the title totally cracks me up. It's probably real serious too, but still. I dunno. It sounds funny.
Directed by: Clive Barker
Written by: Clive Barker, based on the novel Cabal by Clive Barker
Starring: Craig Sheffer, Anne Bobby, David Cronenberg, Charles Haid, Hugh Quarshie, Hugh Ross, Doug Bradley