Thursday, July 3, 2008


Firewall (2006)

Ranking: No
Trashiness: Slightly Trashy

Sigh. Once again, Harrison Ford plays a nice guy who must save his family from terrorists or bankrobbers or something. Having seen Patriot Games, The Fugitive and that other one where he plays that guy, I wasn't really expecting much of this film. I just kinda wanted to see it coz Paul Bettany was in it.

As with all these types of movies (usually starring either Mr. Ford or Bruce Willis), it's the villain which makes the movie. If someone interesting is playing the villain (i.e., Alan Rickman, Gary Oldman et cetera), the movie is immensely more enjoyable. Coz they're all basically the same.

Of course, in this one, not only is Harrison Ford's character just an average guy trying to save his family from Accent Man, he's also some kind of amazing computer hacker. Wait what?! Okay, okay, I'm sure there are probably some 64 year old dudes who are wiz computer hackers, but I didn't believe him for a second.

I mean, what the hell? He's frigging Harrison Ford, man. And he's supposed to know more about computer stuff from all these young, MIT grads he's got working for him? There's no way.

In Die Hardererererer, they didn't try to pass Bruce Willis off as a brilliant computer guy. They just teamed him up with Justin "I'm a Mac" Long. It worked. The rest of the movie didn't, but that part sort of made sense I guess.

Anyway, on the subject of people being way too old for this, Paul Bettany could whoop Harrison Ford's ass. I'm sorry.

Naturally, only a man could get away with this. When women get to be a certain age, all they become good for is playing the moms and other boring roles. If you think this is unfair, contact me in 30 years and we'll see if Kate Beckinsale is still playing the leather clad action-heroine.

All I can say is at least there wasn't some twenty five year old love interest. Although Virginia Madsen is about twenty years younger than Harrison Ford (apparently Anne Archer got a wrinkle and they had to drop her - I know, different movie, different character, but she was almost his age). Coz, you know, him having a 64 year old wife would just be disgusting.

Fuck. Well, there's my feminist bitching for today, just to counteract my review of 2000 Maniacs. I just get annoyed sometimes.


Directed by: Richard Loncraine. Written by: John Forte. Starring: Harrison Ford, Paul Bettany, Virginia Madsen, Carly Schroeder, Jimmy Bennet, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Robert Patrick, Robert Forster, Alan Arkin, Matthew Currie Holmes

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