Monday, September 1, 2008

Hills Have Eyes 2

The Hills Have Eyes II (2007)

Ranking: Hell no

Oh my God. That pretty much sums it up...

The action picks up a year or so after the last movie left off (I guess). A group of army guys and gals are sent out to the place where the mutants are at on a routine training mission or whatever. Then the mutants attack them, killing them in nasty, inefficient ways (e.g., covering a guy in paper cuts and putting him in a septic tank. Why?). They also nab the girls and rape the shit out of them to increase their numbers. Charming.

This movie has everything you could possibly want. More gore! More rape! More macho pro-America bullshit. While I felt that Hills Have Eyes 1 was a little too tame, not really going the extra mile, I felt this one went way too far in the other direction.

I'm usually a fan of disgusting tastelessness, but as long as it's got some class, you know? If it's operating on some level other than just trying to gross me out. Take, for example, Dead/Alive. Simple, adorable love story. With pus dripping, flesh eating zombie freaks.

This is just pointlessly revolting. And there's just something about the so called 'mutants' which seems so impractical. I mean, they eat people right? Okay. So, why exactly do they play around so much with their food, chopping off inedible parts and chucking the meaty delicious bits off of cliffs (okay, maybe that's a way of tenderizing it - after all, army guys are probably mostly gristle).

But then why do they leave their meat lying around for so long. This is set down South somewhere. Leaving raw meat lying out is not a great idea. Even though these people have a refrigerator, they keep it full of fingers. Yes, fingers may be a nice light snack, but not a great dietary staple.

The smart thing would be to smoke the meat but no, they care more about scaring the living hell out of visitors by butchering the meat in the sloppiest ways imaginable. Honest to God, don't they know anything? The folks in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, though also fairly inefficient (they do use a chainsaw, after all), are vastly better at what they do than these guys.

Christ. There are so many things wrong with this movie, and here I am wining about the impracticality of the 'mutants' food storage system. It's what I think about, though.

Well. All I can really say is that whoever made the trailer for this movie deserves an award. It made me want to see this movie so much. In fact, I used to sit around watching the trailer online. And it got me into Devendra Banhart (good work, promotion people!).

Movie had a damn good trailer...


Directed by: Martin Weisz. Written by: Wes Craven and Jonathan Craven (awww). Starring: Jessica Stroup, Michael McMillan, Reshad Strik, Daniella Alonso, Flex Alexander, Michael Bailey Smith, Derek Mears.

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