Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th (2009)

Ranking: Heck Yeah
Trash-o-rama

My latest absence was due to a three week visit to my hometown on Halifax/Dartmouth from which I returned on Saturday. While I was there, I couldn't resist the urge to go see this movie. I could have gone to see Slumdog Millionaire or Watchmen but I went to see this instead. Because... well, fuck, I've seen all the other ones, I might as well.

A group of teenagers goes out to Crystal Lake where something not very nice happened twenty years ago. They get killed by Jason. Wow.

Um, some people are probably going to hate me for this, but hey, fuck em: I actually thought this movie was better than the original movie. I didn't really enjoy the original all that much, which is surprising considering the crap that I do enjoy (ex: The Green Slime (review coming soon)). This movie was almost the opposite, being slick and polished rather than the low budget and amateur original film. I find this interesting. It was very well made and looked amazing. Almost a little too slick, but it did okay.

Plus it was fun and nasty which made me happy. There was lots of gross stuff and tons of sex and nudity. And assholes getting killed. That's always the best part. The people in these movies are just so fucking stupid, it's awesome. Mr. White and I were discussing it at length before, during and after the movie and really, anyone with any sense could survive one of these things. First of all, you don't go in the fucking guy's house that's just rude. They made that mistake in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and they made it in this movie. Foolz.

The obligatory ethnic characters (who, surprisingly, did not get killed in the first forty five minutes, surviving well into the movie) were the only interesting people in the movie (they were also the obligatory stoners) as all the other ones seemed to run together. There were a couple of slutty ladies, a nice chick, and two or three guys who all looked the same to me and had identical voices, clothing and personalities. Actually, one of them was an asshole, but other than that I couldn't tell them apart.

The flick was directed by the same bloke what did the remake of TCM and this movie felt a lot like one of those (which may be a good thing...). I think it was shot in Texas which is sort of obnoxious. There was even a thing where Jason captures one of the girls (Amanda Righetti) who resembles his mother and chains her up in his basement. I'm pretty sure they did that in one of the TCM flicks...

There was also that creepy guy with the woodchipper and the mannequin... that guy really freaked me out... straight out of Texas.

Uh, yeah, I thought this movie was actually pretty awesome despite the fact that it went on a bit and was a little pointless (the rescuing-the-sister subplot was not needed in my mind. I know, there had to be some reason for us to like that character but maybe just making him not an asshole would have done the trick?). Definitely worth watching foor fans of the series I would say although let's hope to God they don't make a sequel... that would be a little much...

STATS
(Yes, I did keep stats for this movie)
Bodies: 14
Request Death: Jason ties a skanky girl (America Olivo) in her sleeping bag and roasts her over the campfire. Horrible, but awesome.
How they Kill Him: They don't fucking kill him. They just think they do and then BAM he pops out of the lake. They should have gone all Fargo and stuck his ass and the woodchipper but no, they had to throw him in the lake. n00bz.

END

Directed by: Marcus Nispel. Written by: Damian Shannon and Mark Swift. Starring: Derek Mears, Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Travis Van Winkle (best name ever), Aaron Yoo, Arlen Escarpeta.