Saturday, March 21, 2009

Scream Blacula Scream

Scream Blacula Scream (1973)


Amusingly titled sequel to Blacula has our tormented hero (William Marshall) being resurrected by some voodude and then... um... doing a bunch of stuff...

Honestly, I didn't actually watch this movie, really. I looked over every couple of minutes and said, "Hey, Pam Grier", but throughout almost the entire movie, Mr. Blue and I discussed the plot holes and logic gaps in Quarantine and the Terminator movies.

For example, in Quarantine, the camera crew, firemen and one police officer enter the building about ten minutes before the dudes on the outside quarantine the building. So: if the people knew they were going to quarantine the building in approximately ten minutes, why the fuck did they let a bunch of firemen and a camera crew go in there? It makes no sense. Unless of course they just didn't like those guys.

And what the fuck was that thing in the basement supposed to be anyway? I mean, really. The movie sort of made sense up until that point (although was sort of boring and pointless). Yes, that thing did add some spice to the movie, but what the fuck! It totally came out of nowhere in the last, like, ten minutes. Jeezus.

The Terminator movies are the subject of a lot of discussion in my house, always have been, and I've probably seen them at least six hundred times, at the very minimum. The last time I watched T2 though (about a week ago), Mr. Red pointed out a weird quirk in there that I hadn't ever really noticed before.

In the scene where John Connor calls his foster parents from a phone booth, we see Jenette Goldstein in the kitchen chopping vegetables and making dinner. Xander Berkeley comes down and starts bugging her and then bam, she sticks a knife or stabbing weapon in his head revealing that she is actually the T1000 (oh no!).

The question is: if it's really the T1000, it's presumably already killed Jenette Goldstein and is planning to kill Xander Berkeley, why the fuck does it bother making dinner? After Mr. Red raised this question, it has been plaguing my mind. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I mean, it would sort of make a little bit of sense if say the T1000 was going to be really subtle, disguise itself as the mom and wait for John, except that throughout the movie the T1000 has been ridiculously unsubtle, seemingly doing everything in its power to be conspicuous. Like, if it knew that John had previous run ins with the law (which it gained from accessing the computer in that cop's car or whatever), why would it disguise itself as a cop? Honestly.

T3 has so much illogical shit that I can't even begin to start writing it here. Suffice it to say, Terminators are surprisingly ineffective. The whole thing makes me wonder how exactly the machines won.

Well now, this review was a little off topic...


Directed by: Bob Kelljan. Written by: Maurice Jules, Raymond Koenig & Joan Torres. Starring: William Marshall, Pam Grier, Don Mitchell, Michael Conrad.

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